January 9, 2011

Matt Garza: baseball's compulsive spitter.

The Chicago Cubs dealt five prospects to the Tampa Bay Rays this week for pitcher Matt Garza, one of the more prolific spitters in the history of the game.

If you've ever watched Garza pitch, it can be as nauseating as the sight of Joe Maddon's pot belly in an Under Armour shirt.

Sometimes it appears as if Garza is attempting to create a moat between himself and the batters box. This is an effective way to make a hitter think twice about charging the mound, lest they drown in an ocean of Copenhagen.

Forget a rosin bag on the mound. Garza needs a spittoon. Or an industrial-sized garbage can.

Note the photo of Garza. His beard appears to be stiff and starchy from dried up saliva, and there's a morsel of chicken salad on his lower lip.

The Rays acquired 5 prospects in the deal, but can now relieve a half-dozen field maintenance workers whose job it was to sanitize the playing field.

Garza gives me the creeps. He always looks sickly to me; and skittish, as if he's amped up on Red Bull, coffee and a case of Four Loko.

I'd like to see a cage-match between Garza and temperamental teammate Carlos Zambrano. It would make Ali-Frazier look like a catfight.

1 comment:

Ronn Graham said...

I have always wanted to count in and MLB game on Tv the number of spits in anyone game. It is amazing how many times the pitcher on the mound, the catcher pulls his mask off to spit, the batter backs just to spit and the manager on the bench spits. I think the umps need a spit count along with the pitch count!

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